Saturday, March 7, 2009

now that...

...I have no more secrets, I was thinking I should start blogging again.

But then I realized that I still have secrets.

But also that fuck it, I should start blogging again anyway. When I write in my journal, I put words I want to emphasize in boxes. I wish I could box things on the internet. I would have boxed *fuck it*.

So I broke up with him after 8 years. And I'm single now for the first time, well, ever. I sort of feel like I'm a lesbian for the first time ever too, which is interesting because really, of course, I've always been a lesbian.

I've learned all sorts of new things about myself since he's been gone. Like:
  1. When I'm the only one living here, I'll clean the counters obsessively. Dust, kool-aid powder, wrappers -- they can live happily anywhere except the kitchen counters. I'd rather have them on the floor than the counter.
  2. I like listening to music in the house more than I knew. I've been plugging my mp3 player into speakers in the kitchen and singing badly and passionately to Rihanna songs most days since he left.
  3. I missed some of the things that have been in boxes since we moved in. I'm glad that my art cards from Paris are finally somewhere I can see them. They're so awesome.
That's it for now, but I'm trying to concentrate on how many new things I'm learning and how nice the quiet can be instead of how eerie the silence is or how much I miss being held.